


Just as Motherfucking Much

by FudgingPastry



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Genderfluid Character, Humanstuck, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 02:11:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3339770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FudgingPastry/pseuds/FudgingPastry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they talk to you, you stutter and scramble for words and they laugh. You stand there blushing and blabbering like a fool and they laugh. It’s a beautiful sound. It reminds you of sunlight and gardens and the way their eyes sparkle as they pat your shoulder and they leave. You remember two very specific things from that day. You remember the warmth of their hand on your shoulder and you remember the bright yellow sundress they wore that day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just as Motherfucking Much

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics are "I Love You Too Much" from the Book of Life

The first time you see him, you’re struck by how… beautiful he is. There’s some days where he looks almost feminine and you’re left lost and confused. The first time you see him in a dress, you stop calling them ‘he’. They walk past you and you immediately hide your face because he – no, they are too much for you. In a dress, you find them even more intimidating. You want to talk to them and every time they walk past you or you’re anywhere near them, your heart flutters.

The first time they talk to you, you stutter and scramble for words and they laugh. You stand there blushing and blabbering like a fool and they _laugh._ It’s a beautiful sound. It reminds you of sunlight and gardens and the way their eyes sparkle as they pat your shoulder and they leave. You remember two very specific things from that day. You remember the warmth of their hand on your shoulder – oh how you melted – and you remember the bright yellow sundress they wore that day. Their laugh reminds you of that dress, yellow splashed with gold and red and flowing around their body.

They try to talk to you again. They apologize for laughing and tell you that you were so cute. You blush and notice they’re wearing a purple dress shirt and black slacks. They notice you looking and they spin for you and you can almost remember the flow of their dress. They smile and hold out their hand. You take it and you’re startled by how strong their grip is. They wave goodbye and you’re left leaning against the wall, your heart feeling as though it’s going to burst from your chest.

The words first come to you one day you see them talking to someone else. The person’s this short, shouty person and your heart burns when you see them pick the other up and hug them tightly. You’re walking around the park and the words come to you and you realize how true they are. As you walk, more words come until you’re muttering to yourself and not paying attention to where you’re going. You only notice that they’re beside you because their feet fall into step next to you and you can feel the warmth of their hand on your shoulder.

They smile and they laugh and they tell you how glad they are to see you again. They ask if you come here often and you crack a smile. You tell them that you come here to think and you point your apartment complex out to them. They gasp and tell you that their best friend lives in the same building. They tell you that they live a mile in the other direction in an apartment near the edge of town. When they leave your side, a piece of your heart goes after them and the idea comes to you.

It takes weeks to figure out the tune and how all the words fit together. You sit in your room with your guitar in your hands, a pencil in your mouth, and the sheet music in front of you. Your roommate tells you to stop playing and you tell them you can’t. You try not to practice while he’s asleep, though. It takes weeks and the first time you go to the park again after finalizing the tune and the words, you see them.

Your heart burns and yearns and your hand comes up to touch your chest, trying to calm it down. When they see you, they wave and they run towards you. Long arms wrap around your body and you can feel their dress brush against your legs. They tell you they missed you and they asked where you’d been. You tell them that you were working on something. They sit you down on a bench and ask about it. Your heart flutters and you look away. You can feel your face heating up and when their hand rests on top of yours, you could die right there.

“You don’t need to tell me anything, brother. I’ve been up and noticing that you’ve got this look to your face. You’re in love with someone, aren’t ya, brother?” Your heart skips a beat, two, three, and they smile. “Knew it. Whoever you’re up and making that thing for, they’ll love it. I’m motherfucking sure of it.” They pat your hand and when you look into their eyes, you see some sort of… longing in their eyes. You can’t tell, but it looks like regret or resignation or… the way you’re sure you look like whenever you see them from far away. But it’s gone before you can think about it too long and they stand and hug you goodbye and they leave.

Like the first time you saw them, they leave you lost and confused.

You find their friend who lives in your building easily. It’s the little shouty guy. You ask him about their address and when he asks why, you tell him everything. You tell him about how you feel about them and you tell him about your plan and as you talk, you see his face soften. His voice is really quiet when he tells you their address and when they’re home and still awake. You get your roommate to help you set up outside their apartment building. You can see the lights on behind the curtain. You can see that the window’s cracked a little.

You hook up the speakers and you take a deep breath. You pull out your phone and you send them a text.

_lOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW,,, }:)_

You start off slow and with a quick breath, you start singing.

 _“_ _I love you too much_ __  
to live without you loving me back  
I love you too much  
heaven's my witness and this is a fact

 _I know I belong_ __  
when I sing this song  
There's love above love and it's ours  
'cause I love you too much”

You see their head peek out from behind the curtains and you smile up at them. It takes them a moment – the first time through the chorus for you – to process what’s going on. When they realize, they throw the curtains open and open the window completely so they can lean out of it and listen.  
  
 _“I live for your touch_  
I whisper your name night after night  
I love you too much  
There's only one feeling and I know it’s right

 _I know I belong_ __  
when I sing this song  
There's love above love and it's ours  
'cause I love you too much”

You close your eyes, a little embarrassed by the truth of your words. But you open them and you see them with one arm resting on the window sill. The other arm props their head up, their hand just covering the loving smile stretching across their face. You stare up at them and you step closer, your voice raising with the tune. You see a few windows lighting up and a few other heads poking out. You ignore them and focus on the one smiling down at you.  
  
 _“Heaven knows your name and I've been praying_  
to have you come here by my side  
Without you a part of me is missing  
Just to make you my home I will fight”

They cover their mouth with their hands and you can see their shoulders shudder. They wipe at their eyes and they close their eyes and listen.  
  
 _“I know I belong_  
when I sing this song  
There's love above love and it's ours  
'cause I love you too much  
  
“I love.... you too much  
I love you too much  
Heaven's my witness and this is a fact  
You live in my soul  
Your heart is my goal  
There's love above love but its mine 'cause I love you  
There's love above love and it's yours cause I love you  
There's love above love and it's ours if you love me as much”

As you finish, their eyes open and you can see the barest of nods. You step forward, but they’re gone from their window. Your shoulders slump and your heart slows. Why did they leave? What are they doing? Did they not like your song? You wipe your eyes and turn away.

There’s a shout from one of the neighbors and you turn only to be tackled to the ground by Gamzee in a fuzzy, lavender bathrobe. They wrap their arms tight around you and they cry into your shirt.

“Don’t you dare motherfucking turn around after all up and singing that to me. If you mean what you motherfucking said…?” You nod and they hide their face in your shirt, body shuddering. When you lift their head up, their face is stained by tears and makeup and their face is stretched into the happiest smile you’ve ever seen on their face.

“I love you just as motherfucking much, Tavbro.”


End file.
